The greatest gift from God is a true Guru, who alone is qualified to lead us from Delusion. That opportunity dosen't come to just anyone. You are blessed to have found these teachings. It is up to you to follow. You are young in life and on this path. If after a year of sincere effort at these teachings, you still have doubts about Kriya initiation, then maybe Kriya yoga isn't for you. You alone will be the judge of that. I read through all the posts in your query and remember where all moving towards God at our own pace. No two have the same karma. Please don't get the wrong impression about Kriya Yoga or having to endure severe life lessons and tests on this path. That will happen with or without Yoga, so why not make the path a little easier.
Thanks all for your replies. On the front of having a guru, i think I have been very misfortunate. My family has been a devotee of Brhamhachari Mohananda Ji Maharaj (Guru maharaj). He had given diksha to my dad, grandfather and his brother ( through the years). When it was my turn, I was supposed to have undergone the thread ceremony (ceremony of wearing the thread around my shoulder), and on his next visit I could have requested him to give me diksha.. alas, he took his samadhi before he could come back.
When he used to be visiting my city, I used to be the first child to run in front of him and he would hold me by my neck and take stairs (as a walking stick). When he would retire, the other bhaktas around me would come and ask me.. "did gurumaharaj touch your neck.. you will have a very sweet voice !" I used to think they are fools, for no man is a magician. But then, when I grew up and wanted to advance spiritually, there he was.. watching me from the skies... leaving me in an abyss.
When I was signing up for the lessons, this was the only thing in my mind. Although spiritually, unless and untill you are initiated (diksha) by a guru, you dont claim to be his disciple.But I grew up singing bhajans of my guru maharaj and dancing in ecstacy of his memories in my mind... and was tough to take a call. Then I thought, Paramahansa Yogananda ji would be my yogic guru and my guru Maharaj my spiritual guru. With so much on my mind, and people saying they were tested after they took kriya diksha really scared me. I hope am on the right path, with due respect to one and all.
I am sure, its more or less karma specific to suffer. then again, who gives the pain from the karma gives me the strength to stand through it.
Any other words of wisdom are welcome.
Peace and Bliss